Almost every night those first 3 to 4 weeks of college in September of 2003 were very lonely for me. I lived in a dorm room on campus alone, which I liked but on the down side it gave me time to be “in my head.” 34 years old, I would think to myself, and I have nothing!! 4 suitcases of hand me down clothes from the early 90’s! I had been clean from drugs and alcohol for the majority of the 3 previous years, except for a 4 day binge in summer of 2002 which caused me to go BACK to rehab, but thinking back questions like, is this worth it? Were going through my head. What is going back to school going to accomplish? Why should I stick it out? If I choose to “stick it out” I will be in school for many years ahead of me. When will my life begin? I know my parents are happy that I’m well and in school, but how do they REALLY feel? I’m sure they are crushed! Who has a child and imagines their child to be addicted to drugs into their adult years only to overdose and end up in rehab? No parent EVER thinks of this, EVER! They all have high hopes and do they best they know how from what was passed down to them. Speaking of “parents” what woman would ever be interested in a man like me? I had nothing to offer but my heart. Those long nights staying up and thinking of my past and trying to piece together a future were long and lonely. During the day it was great, college students everywhere, classes form 7am to 3pm, I worked from 4pm to 11pm…but I will tell you, from 1130pm to 430am it was a battle within my head and heart, wrestling with God begging Him to reveal my future, and, it happened. In His perfect timing after being in college for 4 weeks, that woman who caught my eyes 2 months prior who I FOR SURE thought was either married, engaged, or in a serious relationship on their way to get married, was working in the Café that night. After achieving all her work assignments and the Café had slowed down around 8pm at night she sat next to me and was actually interested in talking to me! I was off that night doing school work. She opened up and shared her life with me, her passions, her interests etc. etc. I could not believe it, she was NOT married, engaged, or in a serious relationship on her way to get married, she was in the same place I was, NOT LOOKING. Perhaps we were both at the right place at the right time, only by God’s perfect timing!! I knew something special was happening, my heart was pounding, and I knew in those 2 hours of us talking my guards were going down. There was something authentic, raw, and organic about her. What it was, was the fact that she was speaking to me at a very deep level not just from a surface “”hey what’s up” level, but a deep meaningful place called, Her Heart. She spoke to me from her heart and it captured mine. Little did I know 9 years ago this September I would be married to this incredible woman named Angela!!! The Lord placed Angela in my path and in my heart 3 times prior to that night. In my pride I rejected Angela because I was scared. The fact is, that God was allowing me to experience a loving healthy relationship for the first time in my life and I was scared. Never did I have a healthy relationship prior to this, how could I? I was on cocaine and drunk every night. Those lonely nights ended. I had a friend who I can call at night who would listen to my pain, a friend that would stay up with me all night on the phone just to hear my story. She was there for me from the beginning. The Lord allowed her to find that key that I had hidden for over 3 decades, the key that opened up the vault to my heart, Angela found and opened it. It was a new sensation, a new journey; I was falling in love, REAL LOVE.
1. Doctoral deadlines! 2. Developing curriculums for LifeiLead! 3. Helping TLC envision and begin implementing The Fourth Phase/6 month/halfway housing/programing for the men! 4. Preparing for our Addiction Recovery group also coming to a point where we will need to expand to an extra group, planning for this! 5. Incorporating process for Lifeilead as a non-profit organization! 6. Receiving phone calls from people who are in such pain and trying to guide them as best as possible. Today I feel overwhelmed. ”Lord give me the strength today, only for this moment to strive for excellence, to operate in integrity and never ever give up, AMEN”